After moving to my mountain village things have not been as smooth as I hoped. In a twisted joke, the gods of whatever cause this sort of thing have seen fit to burden me with emotional ties to an amazing person in the place I was yearning to leave for so long.
I knew we got along well for a long time and because I knew I was leaving, I kept my eye on the goal and didn’t waiver for what I thought was her and my own benefit. However, neither of us could deny we had feelings for each other and now we are going through a period of not communicating and trying to let these feelings die.
Not only this, I haven’t been adding value to myself or anyone else and are generally going through the well recognised financial independence blues aka “What do I do with myself now” syndrome. Surely I have attained the highest reaches of First World Problems.
On top of this, it seems I am a lot more injury prone than when I was a teenager and this has given me a lot of downtime to think about who I left behind and who I am. Ultimately I am not convinced that my sporting activities can compensate for the budding relationship I left behind and due to injury I cannot even dull the pain with my favourite distractions. However throwing away all my dreams and returning to pursue a relationship seems fraught with risk of regret and loss of self-respect. Although sunk costs must not be considered I don’t think I could live with myself if I threw away the future I had worked towards for so long.
While I can’t forget who I have left behind I imagine she will move on and I will learn the cost of financial independence is measured not just in estimated return on investment and withdrawal rate projections but also in the people I leave behind and awful decisions with no certainty.