ties

After moving to my mountain village things have not been as smooth as I hoped. In a twisted joke, the gods of whatever cause this sort of thing have seen fit to burden me with emotional ties to an amazing person in the place I was yearning to leave for so long.

I knew we got along well for a long time and because I knew I was leaving, I kept my eye on the goal and didn’t waiver for what I thought was her and my own benefit. However, neither of us could deny we had feelings for each other and now we are going through a period of not communicating and trying to let these feelings die.

Not only this, I haven’t been adding value to myself or anyone else and are generally going through the well recognised financial independence blues aka “What do I do with myself now” syndrome. Surely I have attained the highest reaches of First World Problems.

On top of this, it seems I am a lot more injury prone than when I was a teenager and this has given me a lot of downtime to think about who I left behind and who I am. Ultimately I am not convinced that my sporting activities can compensate for the budding relationship I left behind and due to injury I cannot even dull the pain with my favourite distractions. However throwing away all my dreams and returning to pursue a relationship seems fraught with risk of regret and loss of self-respect. Although sunk costs must not be considered I don’t think I could live with myself if I threw away the future I had worked towards for so long.

While I can’t forget who I have left behind I imagine she will move on and I will learn the cost of financial independence is measured not just in estimated return on investment and withdrawal rate projections but also in the people I leave behind and awful decisions with no certainty.

 

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2 thoughts on “ties

  1. Thank you for this blog. I am within 6 months of early retirement and am wrestling with the same dilemmas, so seeing your journey is very interesting to me. With respect to the person you left behind, and whether returning to explore whether there is a future for you both, you ARE free after all, and that includes free from a plan you may have made under different circumstances months or years ago. The opportunity to make a meaningful and deep connection with another person does not come around very often in life and if this one doesn’t work out, well then, you can always revert to the previous plan. That’s the joy of being free to choose – isn’t it?

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    • Hi Tyrone. Thanks to your comment I was able to notice the gloominess of this post seems a bit excessive with hindsight (and also spelling mistakes..) Yes you are absolutely right, freedom is freedom to make mistakes and course-correct. At the time I often said to people I was making my best guess at that moment, probably because I was nervous about not having the fortitude to make actual change.

      Despite all that, a year later it appears I am a lot happier. The winter is going well, I am being careful not to re-injure myself, and even with rapidly rising temperatures I am not too concerned because I can swap skiing for mountain-biking! Also, I see the person I left behind every couple of months and in the summer we will be learning how to surf. The relationship may not be strong enough to survive the distance, but at least we will have tried.

      Considering this blog was really only for diary purposes I am happy if it mean’t something for you! On the various FI sites there are proper communities of people with these sorts of goals and ideas so I spent a lot of time consuming that information, but in the end we really learn when we walk the path.

      Thanks for bringing me back to this and good luck on your journey.

      Like

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